Editing Episode 611 (section)

== Mailbag ==

* '''Jack Rackham''' — Is JJ McCarthy better than Drake Maye? Arif: not close, Maye is better. Maye's three-interception game against the Seahawks ended with a positive EPA per play — his receivers dropped passes (including Romeo Doubs), his offensive line was poor, and his success rate was high relative to other bad-game performances. The picks were his fault; they don't define his level of play. Arif compared him to Josh Allen: high ceiling, sometimes low floor.

* '''Arif's Pet Jimothy''' — Is Kwesi vindicated for moving on from Darnold, who won a Super Bowl and then got injured? Arif: technically yes, that is what happened. Is it entirely Kwesi's fault? Not really. Is Kwesi vindicated? Not exactly. The Seahawks would take it every time.

* '''Damian Bolsharif''' — How much should we ask the Seahawks for when they inevitably ask about trading for JJ McCarthy? James: a seventh round pick and a bag of Dick's (the beloved Seattle burger chain, where Arif and James once biked from a bar to eat). The Rams announced Ty Simpson as their third-string quarterback before the Australia game, opening the door for a Ty Simpson/JJ McCarthy swap as an alternative.

* '''Kyle Segall''' — Where do we get James's sultry vocals and precise sound editing after Norse Code ends? James: he is a voice actor for hire. Also does PA announcing for athletic events, where his disagreement with calls can be detected by a slight upward inflection — "personal foul, number seven, golden eagle, that's his third team — foul" — identifiable as Ron Burgundy energy.

* '''Alex (Hell League corner)''' — Auto-drafted two Packers: Trey Smack and Jayden Reed. Should they be cut? James: the existential crisis is the point. Arif: requests an automatic loss if either is dropped while healthy. Also from Alex: '''The Five Kickers Incident''' — I Hate Carmel, Indiana had drafted five starting kickers (Spencer Shrader, Jake Bates, Nick Folk, Matt Gay, Chad Ryland) with only two bench spots remaining. James caught it, called it out in the league, and the perpetrator fixed it after making a Discord scene about thinking the first week was free. Also from Alex: '''Vikings-Linear-Super-Bowl Trophy Update''' — after their offseason half-life decay, the Vikings hold half a trophy. If the Packers win week one, the trophy ceases to exist. If the Vikings win, the Bears can acquire a trophy in week two. The Seahawks hold a quarter, the Commanders a quarter, the Falcons three-sixteenths. Arif and James confirmed they do not know the rules they themselves invented.

* '''Tank B''' — Arif's mother messaged James asking why the Vikings signed a 37-year-old safety. James ignored her for two days. Analogy for explaining Harrison Smith: Tom Cruise is 64 and still playing a perpetual 38-year-old in Mission: Impossible, still doing his own stunts, still running at full speed. That is Harrison Smith. The thetans help. Also from Tank B, culinary corner: Arif recently cooked '''cottage pie''' — ground beef, not lamb — with his ex. He confirmed this was, technically, cottage pie, not Shepherd's Pie, while acknowledging nobody calls it that. He also shared a pork tenderloin sauce recipe: brown pork tenderloin, add olive oil and butter to the pan, add a shallot, quarter cup of dry vermouth, two-thirds cup chicken broth, three tablespoons Dijon mustard, two-thirds cup heavy whipping cream, fresh basil and parsley. Described as one of the most delicious sauces capable of being applied to pork; the triple batch is in the freezer.

* '''Nolan Kehler''' — If Nolan beats Arif in their week-one Hell League matchup, will he have to pay a tariff? Arif: yes, just for that. James: raise your hand and swear allegiance and you're fine.

* '''Arif's Midlife Crisis''' — For the Definitions Corner: are Phoebe from Friends, Walter White, Michael Scott, and Lorelai Gilmore petite bourgeoisie? Is Walter White proletariat as a teacher and union member? Arif: class in the original Marxist and Smithian sense is about relationship to the means of production, not income. Walter White is technically both proletariat (his teaching knowledge is not owned by him) and petite bourgeoisie (he runs a small business, which, regardless of revenue, employs fewer than 50 people and therefore qualifies legally as a small business — making him eligible for Small Business Saturday). A Data for Progress poll showing 8% of Americans don't consider the nanny from The Nanny to be working class was cited as evidence of poll noise comparable to the Lizard Man hypothesis (4% of Gallup respondents believe lizard men control society — not because they do, but because 4% of people give nonsense answers to polls). Also from Arif's Midlife Crisis: James has insisted in the Discord he can fix Elizabeth Holmes, who is currently in prison. Nathan Fielder's documentary trailer was discussed — described as "an Olympic-sized swimming pool of crazy behind those eyes." Arif's counterposition: he can also fix her. James confirmed he would be toast within approximately one exchange.

* '''Raul''' — Playing a professional football game after a 15-hour flight is counterintuitive even if the science is unclear. See Australia game discussion. Also from Raul: parenting corner — eldest has started kindergarten in Carmel, Indiana, a competitive academic environment. How does she win kindergarten? Arif: be able to read, raise her hand first. James: revealed he himself skipped kindergarten. His parents brought him in to discuss it; the principal (Dr. Rankleff, remembered fondly) noted that kindergarten is for social development, not academics. During this maturity discussion, James stole a paperweight off the principal's desk and began tossing it. He was still allowed to skip. He was subsequently nearly held back in fourth grade.

* '''Room Temperature''' — With Arif doing three podcasts this season (Norse Code, All Ball, 60 Minute Drill), is he winning the podcast Royal Rumble? Arif: he has not slept in 40 hours. He is losing by every measure.

* '''Minneapolis Cinnamon Cheerios''' — When can we expect James to start a podcast with David Roth? James proposed '''Scoop and the City''' with Dianna Russini. Arif immediately agreed this was the correct title.

* '''A Second Jet Has Hit Drew Bledsoe''' — For the Hypothetical Scenario Corner: would last year's Vikings be a playoff team if they'd ended up with Aaron Rodgers, and how much worse would Arif's mental health be? Arif: they might have won — last year had the talent. He would not have been talked into a second Rodgers season under any circumstances. If Rodgers had led a Super Bowl win it would be "the lowest leave-it-on-a-high-note moment in history," all Patreon bonus episodes would go to YouTube, and the remaining content would be Arif and James arguing about AI girlfriends. Also covered: Arif's column about Rodgers' Sandy Hook conspiracy beliefs — originally reported by Pamela Brown at CNN (Rodgers stated at the 2013 Kentucky Derby he didn't believe Sandy Hook happened, and separately a source reported he believed it was a false flag). Rodgers never denied the Kentucky Derby statement, only addressing one version of the conspiracy. Arif discussed the exhausting experience of having a reply in his mentions argue the CNN report was "unverified," a word they appeared not to understand. DK Metcalf's "shout out to my quarterback" post about Rodgers was the trigger.

* '''A Second Jet Has Hit Drew Bledsoe''' — For the Stadium Tour Corner: at which stadium are you allowed to sample the water from the urinal? Context: a sign at Levi's Stadium reads "WARNING: RECYCLED WATER, DO NOT DRINK" directly above a urinal. Arif concluded such signs exist because someone, at some point, did the thing the sign prohibits, invoking the no-boogie-boarding sign from How I Met Your Mother. The Lizard Man hypothesis was applied: if 4% of poll respondents believe lizard men control society, someone definitely drank the recycled urinal water at Levi's Stadium, possibly reasoning it came from a clean municipal source, or because they brought a dog. James noted it probably tastes like a Brita filter. The JMU bathroom with the window at the fifty-yard line was cited as a contrasting example of elite stadium bathroom design.