Editing Episode 617 (section)

== Off the Rails: Russian Plague, Dirtiest Football Terms, and The Cranberries ==
The transition to off-the-rails began when Arif confirmed he had been offline writing data-viz articles and was completely unaware of a developing news story James mentioned in passing.
 
* '''Sammy''' — What are the odds the Vikings end the season as the top seed before the playoffs are cancelled due to a Russian plague outbreak? Arif Googled the story live: an employee at Russia's Anti-Plague Institute in Irkutsk has died from a suspected case of plague; the region has been placed under quarantine. James characterised the irony of this occurring at an Anti-Plague Institute as structurally equivalent to the Patches O'Houlihan death in ''Dodgeball'' (2004, not 2006 as initially stated — a correction James immediately withdrew). Arif's assessment of the cancellation odds: "higher than you'd think." The hypothetical of the Vikings brass retreating to Winter Park to wait out the plague led to a reminder that Winter Park has been demolished — and then to TCO Performance Center as the proposed refuge, from which the episode title derives.
 
* '''Room Temperature''' (''For the Norse Code Explicit Tag'') — Is "muffed punt" the dirtiest-sounding term in football? Arif argued that "giving them the business" remains number one, and announced plans to link in the show notes a viral TikTok compilation of football broadcast phrases that read as innuendo out of context — including "soft hands," "he got hit by the penetrator," Joe Buck's description of a receiver as "thick in the lower half," and a further reference both hosts agreed to keep in.
 
* '''Damian Bulsher''' — What happens to unsold Threadless merchandise when the show ends? Will it be donated like losing Super Bowl teams' champion merchandise? Arif explained the print-on-demand model: nothing is printed until purchased. There is no inventory. There is nothing to donate. The shower curtain is one of the more profitable items on a per-purchase basis. The downside to the model: very little money.
 
* '''Francis Ford Copium''' (''For Arif's Etsy Witch Replacement Corner'') — The Vikings traded JJ McCarthy; the following week, Minnesota beat Michigan at home for the first time since 1977. Is this a deliberate plan to siphon JJ's bro-energy to counter dark magic on the franchise? And did the Gophers bring the Iran-U.S. conflict closer to resolution by damaging the psyche of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Arif determined live, via Wikipedia, that Ahmadinejad is not dead — merely no longer president since 2013. The relevant lore: a fan had replied to one of Ahmadinejad's tweets asking whether Michigan football would ever return to glory; Ahmadinejad responded "Inshallah, the University of Michigan will return to its glory days. #GoBlue." Jim Harbaugh was tagged in the original tweet, meaning Ahmadinejad's reply also tagged Harbaugh.
 
* '''Lavar Bolshereef''' (''For the "What Is to Be Done?" Corner'') — In 2000, a Baltimore Ravens fan ("the Roof Goof") sat on his roof until the Ravens scored an offensive touchdown — a fifteen-day vigil that preceded their Super Bowl run. What civil resistance is appropriate to demand offensive improvement from Kevin O'Connell? Arif endorsed a hunger strike as the most logical option, then noted that the organisation would likely treat it as a resource-freeing event. The exchange produced the line "if TCO has fallen, I don't know where you're going" and Arif's confirmatory "TCO is falling," which became the episode title.
 
* '''Drew Bloodso''' (''For the Drew Bloodso Lions Corner'') — Why does the Lions defence look historically bad? Arif: all the safeties are injured. The corner that used to be in this slot has been eliminated due to a developing legal situation involving the Lions' ownership structure; a co-conspirator has reportedly pled to ten years in exchange for cooperation.
 
* '''Sisyphus Corner: Don from Ohio''' — A listener keeps travelling to Ohio to confront men he believes to be Don from Ohio; Don keeps posting regardless. How to end this? Arif: you have to take out every man in Ohio. Incidental benefit: this would also remove Ryan Day, which Arif noted would make a substantial portion of Ohio State fans happy.
 
* '''Parenting Corner''' — A listener's three-year-old wants to be Darth Vader for Halloween and was found singing "Zombie" by The Cranberries while getting dressed. Should they be concerned? Arif addressed "Zombie" first: the real problem is not the music but the political content — the song takes a centrist position on the Troubles, which is ideologically suspect. He cited a previous multi-episode coverage of the Troubles on the show and noted that Amazon once declined to recognise Northern Ireland as a distinct territory from Ireland, which led to a brief detour into the political history of that classification. On Darth Vader: "I don't think there's anything wrong with the space Nazi." Both hosts immediately recognised this as the clip most likely to be extracted from context. James recommended redirecting the child to "Salvation" as an alternative Cranberries song. Arif noted that "Linger" is an earworm he will never tire of; James had recently discovered a bluegrass cover by Alex Melton that Arif had sent him, and found it unlocked new dimensions of the song.