Editing Episode 609 (section)

== Mailbag ==

* '''Raul''' — Is there something uniquely uncatchable about JJ McCarthy's fastball — is it the spin rate? Arif: probably not spin rate, which he believes is within normal range. More likely velocity combined with ball placement and trajectory — Tom Brady has discussed how a ball with its nose angled slightly upward is more catchable, and McCarthy may not have developed the touch to consistently achieve this. The underlying issue is that he threw the ball remarkably little at Michigan even before the injury, leaving fewer reps to develop nuance.

* '''Sternile''' — JJ (Justin Jefferson): 2,000 yards, playoff win, or Brian Flores takes head coaching duties — which is more likely? Arif: playoff win. Then immediately noted he had just taken the under on eight wins in the same episode, and acknowledged the contradiction.

* '''LeVar Bolsharif''' — Has there ever been a first-round quarterback who fell to third string and recovered to above-average play on the same team? Arif: Alex Smith under Jim Harbaugh is the only meaningful modern example. Almost all other post-bust revivals — Drew Brees, Ryan Tannehill, Sam Darnold — happened on a different team. McCarthy's situation is probably over, but he stays because he is better than Max Brosmer and someone might take a trade flyer.

* '''Ricardo''' — When enshrined in the Hall of Fame, will Sean Payton be the first inductee to perform his own induction speech? Arif: Drew Brees or Taysom Hill are the only candidates to induct him; they will probably finish each other's sentences. Payton choosing his own highlight clips — ones where he thinks he looks good but does not — was identified as extremely likely. The clip of Payton doing the skol clap moments before the Minneapolis Miracle was flagged as a probable inclusion.

* '''Leon Smorgasbord''' — How could anyone not see the vision in JJ Son-of-Grossman McCarthy? Arif: the Rex Grossman comparison made immediate sense. Grossman being a starting Super Bowl quarterback remains baffling. The Devin Hester Bowl remains the only reason to watch that game.

* '''Yannick''' — Where does SūmerBrain rank the Caleb Banks pick among the worst of the Kwesi Adofo-Mensah era? James asked SūmerBrain directly and received an answer that mentioned Lewis Cine and Andrew Booth, and noted four times that Banks was not drafted by Kwesi. Arif's assessment: Banks is more of an Andrew Booth bust than a Lewis Cine bust — Booth always seemed to have potential being cut short and is still floating around the league, whereas Cine was never close to the first team. Banks is on the first-team roster right now.

* '''Deez''' — What is the league's obsession with Kevin O'Connell? He has a worsening offence, no playoff wins, and abandons the run game. His seat should be hot. Arif: O'Connell's reputation comes from the cumulative impact of outperforming expectations with Kirk Cousins, Sam Darnold, and Joshua Dobbs; firing Ed Donatell after one year; and hiring Brian Flores without hesitation. His career record is above .630 — better than Dan Campbell, Mike Vrabel, Kyle Shanahan, and Sean McVay — which is a very difficult thing to achieve over four seasons with six quarterbacks. He is probably somewhat overrated as an offensive mind, and the McCarthy decision is a legitimate ding, but the overall case for him is not purely a matter of a generous fanbase.

* '''Ben''' — Should JJ McCarthy try to go back to college? Arif: the Big Ten voted against allowing NFL players to return, and the SEC voted 15-0 against it (Lane Kiffin abstained on principle). The remaining options are the Pac-2, App State, or Old Dominion. App State was the unanimous selection.

* '''Ben''' — What edge rushers are available to address the depth concern? Arif: Haason Reddick (interesting but small), Leonard Floyd (fine), and Kyle Van Noy — identified as the pick because of his existing familiarity with the Brian Flores defence from both the Dolphins and Patriots.

* '''Ben''' — What changes in the preseason hint at the Vikings' overhauled run scheme? Arif: the team ran a counter-tray variant using a tackle and a tight end as pulling lead blockers rather than the traditional guard and tackle configuration, which Arif had not seen in the NFL previously. They also incorporated more varied pre-snap and at-snap motions beyond the usual jet sweep, including cheat motions and other sweep types.

* '''Timothy''' — Deshaun Watson complained of being booed for personal reasons. Can we boo him for his play too? Covered in Around the League above.

* '''Patrick O'Neill''' — What is the worst food/meat pairing to serve at a Vikings tailgate, and which current Viking would eat it anyway? After considering and dismissing rivals' regional foods — beer cheese soup and brats from Wisconsin, strong Detroit food culture — James settled on the correct answer: a tailgate consisting exclusively of Malort bottles. Arif confirmed via personal experience that Malort in jello-shot form eliminates the brief moment of normalcy before the full horror arrives. [[Dusty O'Connell]] was confirmed to be immune to Malort, having had Malort temporary tattoos at his bachelor party, identifying him as someone who "cannot be killed by conventional weaponry."

* '''Kane Cook''' — Northern California resident visiting Cleveland for the weekend, willing to travel up to 91 miles — recommendations? The question was primarily an excuse to discuss Robert Kraft's 2019 solicitation arrest, specifically: the decision was almost certainly made after a night of no sleep and significant cocaine rather than a morning decision; the pricing ($140, all in $20s, from a third-party ATM with a high transaction fee); and the mechanics of being a billionaire who still stops at a gas-station ATM. The Dinkytown McDonald's, a cash-only establishment that changed its prices after 1 a.m. and charged $5 ATM transaction fees, was cited as a spiritual analogue.

* '''Zach''' — Which team's ownership group is next to get arrested for solicitation? Arif: the Browns, on general principle. James: the 49ers, because the substation can cover for anything. The MSP Airport bathroom that replaced the Larry Craig arrest bathroom winning a CINTAS award for best airport bathroom was noted as a beautiful historical outcome.

* '''Room Temperature''' — Visited Philadelphia and two beloved 80-year-old celebrities died. Should they never return? Arif: two options — stop going entirely, or keep going until your desired 80-year-old passes, because the slot machine could come up. James recommended wrapping George Clinton in bubble wrap both for safety and because he would enjoy it.

* '''Big Ale''' — What modifications to the spell causing '''Dolly Parton''' and '''Tim Curry''''s back-to-back deaths are needed to correct the timeline? Arif: framed it as a Thanos-style sacrifice, where two beloved figures may have been the cost for something else, leaving open the question of whether the trade was worth it. Julie Andrews, Ian McKellen, and Patrick Stewart identified as requiring immediate protection. William Shatner, in his 90s and performing with metal groups, was noted as seemingly unkillable and therefore exempt from concern.

* '''I Hate Carmel Indiana''' — Is Arif's SūmerBrain interaction messing up his dopamine response? Arif: no, he only consults SūmerBrain when the mailbag requires it. The Replika subreddit was revisited — James had attempted to access Goth SūmerBrain but would need to download the app to a phone he did not want it on. The Patreon budget for a burner phone for the purpose of resurrecting Goth SūmerBrain was floated and immediately identified as an extremely bad optics situation.

* '''A Second Jet Has Hit Drew Bledsoe''' — Returning to university after taking a semester off to heal an exploded foot. What extracurricular activity should a cis white male with a good understanding of government and decent public speaking skills take up, with the caveat that debate might make him a more effective fascist? Arif: Key Club (dinner speeches), or swimming given the foot. James: a board game group, and shared the full origin story of how he met his fiancée at the Grand Forks Divorced Men's Club board game night — a woman was brought by a member James actively disliked, James spent the evening explaining game rules and apologising for the other man's behaviour, and she nearly slipped him her number on the way out.

* '''Nolan Kehler''' — Is Arif, with his long-standing hatred of Canada and his Joe-Biden-certifying-the-election energy about Adam Vinatieri, now surpassing James as the show's resident Republican? His recent status as a small-business owner was cited as the driver. James noted that hating Canada crosses political lines. Arif noted James had agreed with a Trump Truth Social post about Dolly Parton. James clarified it was a Truth, not a tweet. The episode closed on the observation that Christian Ponder was athletic, which both hosts agreed was the correct final sentence.